Just call it "mental floss."

Valentines in the mail

2008-02-15T18:53:06Z

Well, not exactly, but I did receive my diploma. So now I'm officially a gradjamate.

Tough Post

2008-02-11T03:31:54Z

Folks,

I created a second blog, username chrisinpm_diet. (I did this because I didn't want people to be forced to read about the less-pleasant things in my life if they didn't want to read about them.)

It's a blog reaching out to friends that might be interested in helping me with my weight issues, which are becoming serious. It should go without saying that I won't hold it against people if they'd rather not be involved.

You should be able to link to it via my Friends page; otherwise a search for chrisinpm_diet should do the trick.

To be honest I'm too down to write about my trip; I had as good a time as could be expected, but have been depressed since I've gotten back. Not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I really envy people that have jobs that they look forward to going to, that make them feel fulfilled. I guess that's not in the cards for me.

Thanks.

Reading Update

2008-01-28T13:53:08Z

Finished Alan Greenspan's Age of Turbulence. Good book, but the second half might be tough reading in spots for folks without an economics background. I'm continuing to (slowly) continue with Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln.

I also am about halfway through Barack Obama's The Audacity of Hope. Don't know how I feel about him as a candidate just yet, but he's a good writer, I'll give him that.

Vacation!

2008-01-28T13:47:39Z

Later today I'll be flying off to the UK for a two-week vacation - the last one I'll be able to take for a while, given the new job. Work was kind enough to give me the time off because I'd arranged the trip before I'd been hired. I'll be spending a few days at a gaming convention along the UK southern coast, then back to London where I'll be seeing, among other things, exhibits at the British Museum of the Chinese terra cotta warriors and a Pharoah Tutankhamun exhibit (tix already purchased).

I found a B&B which had a number of good reviews across some disparate websites; the Lime Tree Hotel is a short walk from Victoria Station, making it perfect for travelers flying into London's Gatwick Airport (as the Gatwick Express connects the two via non-stop train).

I pride myself in ridiculously cheap vacations to the UK. My round-trip flight, booked early, was less than $600. Accommodations at this particular convention (where my friends and I split lodging in a six-bed vacation chalet; the event is held at a holiday park) comes out to $15 per person (!). And the Lime Tree is $140 per night - you'll have to take my word for it that the price is a bargain, especially in metro London.

I'm excited too because I'm bringing my new lightweight laptop for easy traveling... it gets delivered today and I fly out tonight; talk about cutting it close. On the downside I'm stick with Windows Vista but let's face it, if you're a PC user, you're going to eventually be forced to get it anyway.

I'll have limited net access so might be out of touch for a while. Best wishes to everyone.

Saying Goodbye

2007-12-27T13:35:29Z

As a 36-year old man, I have always had a pet in my home. For the most part, these have been cats – six of them, going back to when I was three years old. There's something very comforting about coming home, opening the front door, and seeing a small, familiar face there – even if most of the time you're being greeted solely in an effort to get a meal out of you. Reading a book with a warm cat curled up in your lap, the soft rumble of a deep purr when you manage to scratch behind their ear at that specific, magical spot… they're things that are really important to you as a cat owner.

Over the past few weeks, my family's last cat, Gepetto, had been in declining health, and it seemed quite clear to me that he was not doing well at all. He was almost sixteen, had lost a lot of weight, couldn't keep down his food, and could no longer make the short hop onto the kitchen chairs. (This is the same cat that used to be able to launch himself to the top of a seven-foot refrigerator in one leap.) I'd finally mentioned to my mother that she needed to consider a graceful exit for the poor little guy, and I was at first surprised when she seemed to be dragging her heels about it. She told me that she "wasn't ready to say goodbye yet." I knew it would be hard. Gepetto was a lap cat of the highest order. He couldn't get enough of people and human contact. While most cats have a certain amount of time they're fine with being held or carried before they get antsy, this little fellow was content to be carried around the house like a baby. When my mother fell asleep in the sitting room every night, he'd be parked in her lap. If she wasn't around, he cried.

I happened to ask in passing a few years ago if she'd want another cat and she surprised me by saying no, adding that she couldn't be sure that she'd outlive the next one. (My mother is 67.) But her main reason was that it was simply too difficult to say goodbye. We both get so attached to the pets we've had in our homes over the years that it's truly wrenching when the time comes to let go.

Still, the signs were on the wall. The cat fell trying to climb onto a low chair on Christmas Eve; the next day, my mother told me that she'd made an appointment to bring him to the vet on the 26th. He wouldn’t be coming back.

In the past, I've gone with her, as she's typically a wreck and needs a comforting presence. This time was no exception. We put the little guy in the carrier, bundled the box up in a blanket, and put him in my car. In sympathy, the skies opened up, and we made our way to the vet in the rain. He cried only a little; I think the poor cat was so exhausted by his health problems that he didn't especially care where we took him as long as he was laying down.

I normally don't attend when they give the cat the injection. It isn't because I'm squeamish – for better or worse, I have watched and been present at the expiration of many people, thanks to nine years in EMS and my experiences with my father. It just always seemed something private that my mom wanted to do. I decided not to leave her alone, though, and stayed with her.

We weren't happy with the procedure. Normally the cat gets the injection and is gone in seconds. But the vet had problems finding an artery and so the poor little guy got stuck three times before the end came. I do not doubt for a moment that he felt nothing after the first one. The vet was explaining that he was having trouble finding an injection point because the cat was in such bad shape and because they'd given him injections ten days before. Regardless, I wish it had gone better. I also wish they had a room specifically for these procedures. Harsh lights, a cold steel table… all seem like they should be replaced in favor of a less clinical atmosphere.

This morning, I came downstairs and, as always, it's the little things that happen in the aftermath of something sad that bring me to tears. Going into the basement and pulling the door closed, only to remember that I didn't need to do that anymore, or blocking the front door as I left to keep the cat from sneaking past me and running outside. Seeing the empty, lonely food bowl this morning was really more than I could handle. Yesterday, I lived in a home. Today, I live in merely a house. And it's an empty one.

Brief Update: New Job and What I'm Reading

2007-12-11T17:25:24Z

I'm really under the weather at the moment - 'tis the season - so I'm going to make this journal entry brief.

My manager at UBS has been very understanding. It was bad enough I had to ask for 12/14 off, as well as eight business days in late January / early February (for commitments I'd made before getting hired), but over the weekend I came down with a wicked head cold. I dragged my ass into work on Monday and the manager immediately asked me if I wanted to go home. I told her I'd try to man up and get through the day, but by noon I realized it wasn't happening, and so took a half day.

Last night was horrendous... I was so congested that I couldn't breathe correctly through my CPAP machine, and so got no meaningful rest. When the alarm went off at 5:50 am I knew it just wasn't happening. I sent the manager an email with a note that I could probably come in for the second half of the day, but I just needed to get some rest. She told me to stay home. I feel awful - and the agency for whom I'm technically working is going to hit the ceiling when they find out how much work I've missed - but UBS in turn will kill them if they pull an employee who they've been paying and training for a week and a half before he has a chance to return the investment. I must get into work tomorrow, though.

And this definitely isn't my normal MO. At my last job, the supervisor once said, "If Christian isn't here by 8:10 and hasn't called, call the police and tell them he's in a ditch somewhere." I'm normally very reliable.

I've gotten the reading bug lately. I just finished John Steele Gordon's An Empire of Wealth: The Epic History of American Economic Power. A good and readable book, though I disagree with a few things in there (including his claim that worries of inflation have been banished from 21st-century national economies). After Tadpod gave it to me last Christmas, I'm only finally getting around to starting Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. Goodwin's an excellent author (you can't get a degree in US History and not be exposed to her work at some point), but it's deep reading, not something to be picking up and putting down over the course of the day. So that's my bedside book. At work on lunch and down time, I've started Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan's Age of Turbulence. It's ironic that Greenspan used to get roasted in the media for his less-than-understandable, jargon-laced economic reports; his writing style is quite clear, almost breezy.

I have a shelf of books pending to be read and I'm happy to say I'm finally making a dent. What's left?

U.S. vs. Microsoft (about the Microsoft anti-trust case)
Trading for Dummies (more for work reasons; I had no finance courses while getting my M.A. so I dont' know as much about the functioning and terminology of financial markets as one might expect)
Trading Up (about the marketing and sales phenomena of people buying luxury goods, even when they're substandard and/or can't be afforded by the customer)
Stealing Time (about the ill-fated AOL / Time Warner merger)
Titan (a biography of John D. Rockefeller)
24 Days (about Enron's meltdown)

And just like that...

2007-11-28T15:39:49Z

... my life gets better, worse, and/or more confusing.

I'd been on my third interview with UBS and hadn't heard back from them (or my agency) for almost two weeks. Having already waited perilously close to that magic date where airlines triple the cost of your flight, I went and booked my (non-refundable) tickets to the UK in late January. And of course, the next day, I got the call. Congratulations!

I don't want to sound like a whiner. I am happy. The position pays quite well (I'll be taking home close to $750 a week after taxes) and lasts until April. It's in Weehawken, so I have the option of driving to work or, if the weather's really horrendous, I can take a train. Flex hours let me come in and work between a range of (I believe) 8am - 7pm. The work looks pretty straightforward. The manager to whom I'm reporting seems nice, as did the other people with whom I interviewed, which is always a plus. And UBS has a good rep as a firm.

I admit though, I wish the timing would have been just a little later. (Yeah, I'm complaining that there's a hole in my donut - there's no making me happy.) My road trip is of course cancelled, and we'll have to wait and see about the UK trip.

I think when the term is up in April, I'll take two weeks and enjoy that road trip. Perhaps its for the best - I'm sure Sioux Falls is way more pleasant in spring than in winter.

I start tomorrow. I'm nervous! I haven't worked since 2004... (Ducks the bottles thrown by jealous friends...)

Monkey Business

2007-11-28T00:02:32Z

Brilliant. Friggin' brilliant.

Hotshot monkeys in science

By Craig Tenbroeck

(Mental Floss) -- It's a common theory that, given enough time (and food ... and ink ribbon), a million monkeys on a million typewriters will eventually bang out the works of Shakespeare. But that only goes for average monkeys.

Round up a few higher-class primates armed with an education and some travel experience, and we wouldn't be surprised if you got a masterpiece on par with Harry Potter or The Firm.

In fact, the following 10 hot-shot simians might even know enough to assemble a science textbook; in which case, they'd definitely need to leave room for a chapter about themselves.

Baker and Able -- First ladies in space

Never send a man to do a female monkey's job. That was the logic of the U.S. Army's Medical Research and Development Department in 1959 when they wanted to gauge the body's physical response to space travel.

Instead of relying on fit, able-bodied Americans, researchers there turned to two highly patriotic gals named Baker (a squirrel monkey) and Able (a rhesus monkey). On May 28, the monkeys steeled their nerves, entered the nose cone of a Jupiter AM-18 missile, and embarked on a suborbital mission into space. It would take two more years before a human male, cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, had the guts to attempt the same thing.

During their 15-minute flight, the simian sidekicks reached speeds of 10,000 mph and soared to an altitude of 300 miles. For nine minutes, they were weightless. Even more impressive, they lived to screech about the experience, making them the first two living beings to survive a space flight.

Sadly, life wasn't all bananas and back-scratches after the girls returned home. By the time Baker and Able made the cover of Life magazine on June 15, Able was dead. Although her body could withstand forces 38 times the normal force of gravity, she couldn't cope with the anesthesia necessary to remove a tiny electrode implanted in her body for the trip. She died four days after her return to Earth.

Baker, however, spent the rest of her life basking in the glow of celebrity from her specially designed enclosure at the Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Ala. She died in 1984 at the ripe old age of 27.

David Greybeard -- Sticking it to The Man

Once upon a time, not so long ago, members of the scientific community thought they had the whole evolution thing figured out. Simply put, humans were smarter than primates because humans made tools. But, apparently, a few chimpanzees at the Gombe Stream Research Center in Tanzania didn't get the memo.

In 1960, then-fledgling primatologist Jane Goodall was studying Gombe's wild chimps when she came across an adult male "fishing" for termites by dipping a twig into a hole and feasting on the bugs that clung to the stick.

She named him David Greybeard and began to track him, eventually finding that he (and other males) used such tools regularly. In addition, the chimps would customize their termite twigs by stripping off the leaves and bark layers to help fit the sticks into specific feeding holes.

This was the first documented case of a non-human manufacturing a tool, and it turned the scientific community upside down. As eminent anthropologist Louis Leakey put it, "Now we must redefine tool, redefine man, or accept chimpanzees as humans."

Oliver -- One chromosome shy of a missing link

If David Greybeard blurred the line between humans and chimpanzees by fishing for termites, you can imagine all the evolutionary issues raised when a chimp named Oliver started mixing his own Highballs.

Oliver was a bald-headed, Spock-eared chimpanzee that, besides playing bartender, also walked on two legs, used a toilet, and loved watching TV. For most of his life, Oliver's various trainers paraded him around at carnivals and on television shows as a freak.

But things changed for Oliver in 1975. A Manhattan lawyer who caught his act decided the chimp was so human-like that he just might be the elusive "missing link" between man and beast and put Oliver through a battery of scientific tests to prove it. Sure enough, an exam conducted in Japan indicated that Oliver had 47 chromosomes -- more than a human's 46, and less than a chimp's 48. The results were more than enough to get the press and the public excited.

When subsequent exams proved inconclusive, though, the American media lost interest. But in 1996, researchers tested Oliver again. This time, they definitively concluded that he had 48 chromosomes, making him all chimp. He wasn't the missing link after all, but scientists still concede that he probably was the Albert Einstein of chimpanzees.

Hellion -- Giving seeing-eye dogs a bad name

You've probably wanted a "helper monkey" ever since you saw Mojo drinking beer on the couch with Homer Simpson. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to get one in real-life. But bear in mind, the fantasy wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for Hellion, the first monkey trained to lend humans a helping hand (and tail).

In 1977, educational psychologist Mary Joan Willard started training capuchins -- small, dexterous tree monkeys commonly seen with people such as organ grinders and David Schwimmer -- to assist disabled humans.

Just two years later, Willard placed her first trainee, Hellion, with a quadriplegic named Robert Foster, and it proved a startling success. In fact, the pair is still together today. Using a mouth-operated laser, Foster is able to point out what he wants Hellion to do. The monkey's tasks range from combing Foster's hair to locking the doors to operating the stereo. Hellion is even able to clean the house using a tiny vacuum.

Today, Hellion is a role model for other simian aides. At the 6,000-square-foot Helping Hands training center in Boston, young capuchins attend classes five to six times a week for a full year before receiving their first assignments. To date, the institute has placed more than 93 monkeys with disabled clients.

"Nim" Chimpsky -- Chimp versus chump

After David Greybeard proved that chimps could make tools, scientists scrambled to establish another dividing line between man and primate. This time, they decreed it to be the use of language.

One avid proponent of the new theory was Noam Chomsky, renowned linguist at MIT. Chomsky derided trainers for attempting to teach sign language to primates and insisted that only the human mind is capable of grasping the complexities of language syntax.

Naturally, zoologists around the world became eager to prove him wrong. Enter Neam Chimpsky ("Nim" for short), the chimpanzee designed to be a stiff middle finger to the doubtful Chomsky. In the mid-1970s, trainers did everything they could to teach American Sign Language to Nim, but the chimp only mastered 125 signs.

Apparently, his lingual development was sabotaged by his own one-track mind. His most advanced utterance was, "Give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you."

Nim might have failed to grasp the concepts of syntax and sentence structure, but he wasn't a total disappointment. Turns out, Nim was a decent abstract artist. Working mostly with a mix of magic markers and crayons, he produced works of art that critics describe as childlike and playful. He would often work for weeks in one color, then switch to another, allowing his drawings to highlight the transition between the phases.

Nim died in 2000. Today, his portfolio of roughly 200 drawings is valued at $25,000.

Koko -- Chomsky's final take-down

Noam Chomsky didn't get long to bask in the glory of Nim Chimpsky's failures. In 1972, Stanford graduate student Francine Patterson began teaching American Sign Language to a female lowland gorilla named Koko. In only a few weeks, she was making the correct signs for food and drink.

Known as the world's first "speaking" gorilla, Koko currently boasts a vocabulary of more than 1,000 signs and understands roughly 2,000 spoken words. She still struggles with the occasional word, though. Unfortunately, one of them happens to be "people," which she tends to substitute with "nipple," thus explaining how she became the defendant in a sexual harassment case against some caretakers a few months back (seriously).

When not signing or pushing the envelope of political incorrectness, Koko enjoys playing on her computer. In 1998, she even logged onto America Online and fielded questions from the public through an interpreter. During the chat, fans were able to learn what pet Koko would like to have ("dog"), the first-hand gossip on what she thought about the male gorilla brought in to be her mate ("frown bad bad bad"), and what a 310-pound gorilla really wants ("candy, give me").

But such mindless banter clearly wasn't enough to hold the attention of a genius gorilla. Koko soon grew bored with the chat (calling it "obnoxious") and wandered off to play with her dolls.

For more mental_floss articles, visit mentalfloss.com

Christian's Amazing Cross-Country Roadshow

2007-11-24T20:57:41Z

Well, December is shaping up for me to be making a journey of the ages. True blog-fodder. Not quite as good as six weeks in Paris, as I did in 2004, but up there.

On 12/13 I'm headed out to a convention in Gettysburg PA. After that, I'll be leaving on 12/16 and driving on to Madison WI, where I'll be visiting benliblit for a day or two. And after that, it's another six hours west to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, where it looks like I'll be spending Christmas before driving back.

This will be the first time I've driven west of Ohio. Deep into Red State territory. Better make sure I lock my doors, roll up my windows, and keep my hands and arms in the car at all times...

I'll also be headed to the UK at the end of January. In addition to another two days in London (where finally, perhaps, I can see the British Museum), I'll be spending some time in the cities of Portsmouth and Winchester. And I'm trying to finagle a stop at Stonehenge... keep your fingers crossed.

Living Forgotten Realms

2007-11-17T05:34:47Z

The announcement was posted today as to who the campaign administrators were. I was pleased, but not terribly surprised, to see that two frequent readers and commentators (and oh yeah, friends) of mine were chosen for the campaign.

So congratulations to jaybabcock (who was a wonderful host this past weekend by the way - thanks man!) and smerwin29. Did I mention you guys are Nucking Futs for wanting this job?

Random Stuff

2007-11-14T19:51:33Z

I'm backlogged for about two weeks' worth of stuff about which I wanted to talk, so please excuse the bullet-point format of this entry. Without further ado...

Man Up!

Two weeks ago I was in Build-a-Bear. For anyone that knows my feelings about kids, having them running around and screaming made me feel like clawing my own eyes out - not to mention the irradiation I received since, as all right-thinking people know, children cause cancer if you get too close to them. I was there to purchase a stuffed animal for a woman in whom I'm interested. Her nickname is "Helper Bunny" (long story), and so I thought it would be a cute gift to get a stuffed bunny of the same name. (You "name" the doll in the store, and it gets a birth certificate.)

I'm being helped by a young woman in her late teens/early twenties, and of course I'm at the age where women of such age call me "sir," which I friggin' hate. She helps me pick out a bunny "skin," and we go over to the stuffing machine - basically this giant spinning cylinder in which the filler material is cycling.

"Now reach into that box, pull out a paper heart, kiss it, make a wish, and put it into the bunny."

I looked over at her and gave my patented you've gotta be effing kidding me look... to which she responded with a sweet smile and the words, "Just man up and do it already."

I love living in a state where everyone is rude to everyone...

PS: She liked the bunny and was carrying it around at the convention at which I gave it to her. Turns out she likes stuffed animals a lot.

I Feel Dirty

Back on 10/29 I posted about some funny questions for John Bolton. Now let me make something clear... I think John Bolton is a poster child for all that's wrong with the neo-con worldview. That said... my God, I can't believe I'm writing this... I want to... compliment Mr. Bolton for coming on The Daily Show. In what was an obviously hostile venue (as in, imagine you're attending the Christian Convention in ancient Rome and you accidentally wander into the Lion Room), he conducted himself with a great deal of decorum. He didn't belittle his questioner or the audience; he gave his thoughts directly and unapologetically without being rude; and on the whole acted like a class act. I disagree strongly with... well, basically everything he said (especially his apparent belief that the President should not be challenged during the time they're in office... he defended Bush surrounding himself with "yes men" for his entire first term), but I do respect the man's record of public service on behalf of the United States.

I'm going to go bathe now. :)

Condolences

I got the unfortunate news last week that my friend's father passed away. I was obviously not happy about the circumstances, but I did attend a shiva for the first time, and I have to admit that I was impressed by the service. There was prayer and music, all held in the comforting environs of home. It seemed like such a nicer alternative to the faux "homeyness" and sterility of a funeral parlor. I feel for my friend, as the loss of my own father wasn't that long ago and I can sympathize with what he must be going through. I know he reads this journal from time to time, so if you're reading, buddy, hang in there and don't hesitate to call if you need to talk.

What Turns Men On?

2007-11-08T01:40:07Z

My on-again, off-again, sometimes-running partner emailed a link to the article below with the question, "How right is he?" I replied and thought my comments might make a good blog entry, so here goes (they're in italics).

8 Surprising Turn-Ons for Men
Tue, Oct 09, 2007, 4:37 am PDT

Ask a group of guys what turns them on about a woman, and you'll sometimes get the predictable answers: full lips, full bosom, full booty.

These are a few quick-and-dirty biological imperatives that will turn many a man's head. But a lot of women fulfill those requirements already. So what makes certain women boy magnets, and leaves others spending Saturday nights watching Saturday Night Live skits?

As always, men are more complicated than a lot of people give them credit for, and when it comes to turn-ons, the masculine gender has plenty of surprises up their metaphorical sleeve. Here, some of the ways to effectively rev the masculine engine:

1. Standing Tall

Don't get me wrong: it's not that we want a woman who can balance a beer tray on her head. It's what good posture says about her. A woman who stands tall typically a) dresses well, b) exercises often, and c) is confident about her body and what it's good for. And if she's proud of her figure no matter what shape or size, that makes men take notice, as well.

Height doesn't much matter to me; like most men, I'd prefer a woman not to be taller than me. I do acknowledge that I'm the minority on this one - there's a reason why, for example, if you apply to the "America's Next Top Model" show there's a height requirement. I do agree that taller women tend to be slimmer, though one could argue it's a function of body type as much as any commitment to health. (If you think about it, tall overweight women aren't seen as much as short ones.)

2. True Grit

Men know that women cry. Men know that women can get hurt. Men want to be there to help whenever they do. But there's something insanely attractive about women who can bite their lips, buck up, and grit out some of life's twists, turns, sprains, and pains.

Note: Before you throw e-daggers my way, I'm not suggesting that it's not OK to cry or that women shouldn't seek proper attention when they're in pain, either physically or emotionally. (Nor am I saying that lots of men don't need to heed this advice as well.) I'm simply saying we're often drawn to partners who can walk off life's minor insults.

I'd imagine that personal strength is attractive regardless of gender.

3. Baseball Caps

When we were growing up, we used them to show our team allegiances. In college, we used them to hide bed head. Past the age of 30, we mainly wear them to cover our bald spots. But no matter what team we root for, we like a baseball cap the most when it's worn by a woman. The look sends all kinds of messages about the kind of woman she is: sporty, strong, comfortable kicking back, Sox fan. (All the better if it's a Cubs hat - she's an optimist with a great sense of humor.)

YES! I *love* the tomboy look... long hair in a pony-tail, tucked through the hole in the back of the cap... wow. And I'm not really even a sports fan, as you know. My first girlfriend in high school had the ability to roll out of bed, put on a sweatshirt and jeans, put her hair in a tail, throw on a baseball cap, roll out the door with no makeup and look *fantastic.* To quote Paris Hilton... "That's hot."

4. Software Savvy

Maybe it's a giant sexual metaphor, but women like men who know hardware, and men like women who know software. Show a guy a woman who knows her way around systems, networks, and connections, and he'll be dazzled by her smarts - and appreciate her talents.

There's something sexy about a woman who can click a few buttons and get something working exactly the way she wants it to. (That is, as long as the buttons she pushes aren't his.)

I'm sort of neutral on this one. I guess it's nice?

5. Sexy Shampoo

Men typically are stereotyped as needing visual cues to feel attraction. While it's true that men need their share of eye candy, they also are mightily turned on by the olfactory sweets, as well. Perfume and body lotion are nice and all, but the smell of her freshly washed hair that's nestled up under the chin on a Sunday morning is a reminder of all that's good about relationships.

Also a huge YES! I *love* the smell of nice shampoo on a woman. Whenever an attractive woman walks by, I always wait until she's passed, feel for that telltale puff of air left by her wake, and see if she has any scent - shampoo or perfume, even detergent. I'm very much turned on by smell cues. Um... is that weird? I hope not. :( I do know several other male friends who feel the same way, and this did make the list...

6. Understated Underwear

Slinky and small lingerie works for anniversaries, birthday surprises, honeymoons, and other seduce-me moments. But the look that makes men feel both comfortable and excited is when she's wearing boxers (waistband rolled) and a thin-as-can-be T-shirt that's neither too tight nor too big. Call it supreme sexiness in the understated. The same effect can be achieved by wearing his old dress shirt and a pair of panties.

Also agree. Lingerie is great, but there's something nice about seeing your partner dressed for comfort... especially when she's in your clothes. I can't explain that one... (Unfortunately, a family of four with a dog could comfortably live in my pajamas...) :(

7. Dirt and Sweat

Of course, men like to see their women dolled up for a night out. But many men appreciate the exact opposite: The woman who hikes, bikes, mows the lawn, hacks trees and branches, and otherwise pulls her weight. Seeing the dirt, mud, sweat, and occasional road rash is something that stokes our primal side.

Hmm. There's two types of dirty to me. The first is, "covered in sweat from manual labor." Nuh-uh. I wouldn't hop into bed with someone without feeling clean, and neither should she. Now, if you're sweaty *because* of... fun stuff, that's a whole 'nother kind of animal, and gets two thumbs up. :)

8. A Few "Duh" Moments

Men like smart women (see "software savvy," above). But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness. Why? Because if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help. And it says that when we screw up on occasion (and we will, oh yes, we will), she'll understand. Hypercompetence is something we just can't compete with. And ultimately, this game isn't about competition, it's about crossing the finish line together.

Yeah... okay. It's cute if a woman has a blonde moment once in a while. It's nice to feel needed and see the shy smile when she realizes what she just did.

Questions for John Bolton

2007-10-29T21:40:07Z

John Bolton was the former American ambassador to the UN. After his proposed nomination was roundly cried down by Democrats, and a few Republicans, Bush took advantage of a loophole in the law that allowed him to appoint a "temporary Ambassador" without Congressional approval. Bolton resigned when the term was up, as he was even less likely the second time around to receive Congressional approval. Bolton - along with other "luminaries" like Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz - were seen as poster children for the Neo-Conservatives that have sadly been in the driver's seat since 2000 (the reign of Bush #2 makes it likely the neo-con influence will wane, even if one of the likely GOP candidates wins the presidency).

Bolton is releasing a book entitled Surrender is Not an Option: Defending America at the United Nations. CNN.com announced that they were going to have an online interview with him and asked readers to submit questions. Hoooo, boy. Here's the link to the page, but in case they edit them, I posted some of the highlights below:

EDIT: Many of the questions come from the same angry email address but with different signatures, but I don't think it makes some of these any less funny...

Posted by Philip Spandorf in West Palm Beach, FL 33417
Do you think if President Bush and VP Cheney resigns; would it be best for our country?

Posted by Michael Bolton in Los Angeles
Hey, bro! When are you going to do a duet with me? You look like the Professor from Felix the Cat.

Posted by V.R. Sonti in Lawrenceburg IN USA
How can we pay for a war with Islamo-Fascits?

Posted by Jefe Gato in San Antonio
Why does the rest of the world seem to have such a problem understanding that we are the Upper Crust of humanity, and they should just bow and follow?

You seem like the guy to ask.

Posted by Heywood Jablome in Cincinnati
Why do you hate America?

Posted by John Franks in Washington DC
Why are you such a douche?

Posted by vijay kashyap in patna
Mr. Bolton

Don't you think that it is time for you to admit yourself in a mental asylum?

Posted by Heywood Jablome in Cincinnati
Have you ever tickled Cheney with your mustache?

Posted by Carlos D. in Daytona Beach, FL
Why do you feel compelled to be so abrasive when diplomacy is a dance with political purposes, not a spring to bump heads with foreign politicians?

Posted by Heywood Jablome in Cincinnati
When you were a child, did you dream of helping to ruin the reputation of America or did that start when you got old?

Posted by Laura Bush in Washington, DC
Does the carpet match the drapes?

"Congratulations!"

2007-10-25T18:09:14Z

My advisor putting that in the subject line of the email I received today really took the suspense out of opening it. I passed the third exam. All obligations for my M.A. are completed. In short, I'm done. "Check back with me in a week to make sure I've forwarded along the requisite information to the registrar," he went on.

I stared at the screen dumbly for a moment, and then I did something none of you gentle readers were probably expecting. I absolutely burst into tears.

Am I happy? Of course. Relieved? Definitely. My stomach's been in a knot for the past nine days. But the thing hanging over my head right now is that I really, really wish my dad was here to see me having accomplished this. I couldn't have done this without him.

I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention my friends. So many of you sincerely expressed an interest in what I was doing, how things were coming along... my friends are the only thing that makes the depression bearable.

I have two writing commitments to finish up tonight, and I think tomorrow I'll formally update my resume on all the various job boards. This weekend I'm relaxing and regrouping, maybe spending some time with friends. Monday... well, not a tremendous amount has changed - the job issue still needs to be addressed. But at least it's one less thing to worry about. I needed to make room on that list, after all.

F*cked up like Whoa

2007-10-22T17:23:43Z

Tests reveal high chemical levels in kids' bodies
By Jordana Miller

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Michelle Hammond and Jeremiah Holland were intrigued when a friend at the Oakland Tribune asked them and their two young children to take part in a cutting-edge study to measure the industrial chemicals in their bodies.

Tests showed that Rowan, at 18 months, had high levels of a chemical in his bloodstream that can cause thyroid dysfunction in rats.

"In the beginning, I wasn't worried at all; I was fascinated," Hammond, 37, recalled.

But that fascination soon changed to fear, as tests revealed that their children -- Rowan, then 18 months, and Mikaela, then 5 -- had chemical exposure levels up to seven times those of their parents.

"[Rowan's] been on this planet for 18 months, and he's loaded with a chemical I've never heard of," Holland, 37, said. "He had two to three times the level of flame retardants in his body that's been known to cause thyroid dysfunction in lab rats."

The technology to test for these flame retardants -- known as polybrominated diphenyl ethers (PBDEs) -- and other industrial chemicals is less than 10 years old. Environmentalists call it "body burden" testing, an allusion to the chemical "burden," or legacy of toxins, running through our bloodstream. Scientists refer to this testing as "biomonitoring."

Most Americans haven't heard of body burden testing, but it's a hot topic among environmentalists and public health experts who warn that the industrial chemicals we come into contact with every day are accumulating in our bodies and endangering our health in ways we have yet to understand.

"We are the humans in a dangerous and unnatural experiment in the United States, and I think it's unconscionable," said Dr. Leo Trasande, assistant director of the Center for Children's Health and the Environment at the Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City.

Dr. Trasande says that industrial toxins could be leading to more childhood disease and disorders.

"We are in an epidemic of environmentally mediated disease among American children today," he said. "Rates of asthma, childhood cancers, birth defects and developmental disorders have exponentially increased, and it can't be explained by changes in the human genome. So what has changed? All the chemicals we're being exposed to."

Elizabeth Whelan, president of the American Council on Science and Health, a public health advocacy group, disagrees.

"My concern about this trend about measuring chemicals in the blood is it's leading people to believe that the mere ability to detect chemicals is the same as proving a hazard, that if you have this chemical, you are at risk of a disease, and that is false," she said. Whelan contends that trace levels of industrial chemicals in our bodies do not necessarily pose health risks.

In 2004, the Hollands became the first intact nuclear family in the United States to undergo body burden testing. Rowan, at just 1½ years old, became the youngest child in the U.S. to be tested for chemical exposure with this method.

Rowan's extraordinarily high levels of PBDEs frightened his parents and left them with a looming question: If PBDEs are causing neurological damage to lab rats, could they be doing the same thing to Rowan? The answer is that no one knows for sure. In the three years since he was tested, no developmental problems have been found in Rowan's neurological system.

Dr. Trasande said children up to six years old are most at risk because their vital organs and immune system are still developing and because they depend more heavily on their environments than adults do.

"Pound for pound, they eat more food, they drink more water, they breathe in more air," he said. "And so [children] carry a higher body burden than we do."

Studies on the health effects of PBDEs are only just beginning, but many countries have heeded the warning signs they see in animal studies. Sweden banned PBDEs in 1998. The European Union banned most PBDEs in 2004. In the United States, the sole manufacturer of two kinds of PBDEs voluntarily stopped making them in 2004. A third kind, Deca, is still used in the U.S. in electrical equipment, construction material, mattresses and textiles.

Another class of chemicals that showed up in high levels in the Holland children is known as phthalates. These are plasticizers, the softening agents found in many plastic bottles, kitchenware, toys, medical devices, personal care products and cosmetics. In lab animals, phthalates have been associated with reproductive defects, obesity and early puberty. But like PBDEs, little is known about what they do to humans and specifically children.

Russ Hauser, an associate professor of environmental and occupational epidemiology at the Harvard School of Public Health, has done some of the few human studies on low-level phthalate exposure. His preliminary research shows that phthalates may contribute to infertility in men. A study led by Shanna Swan of the University of Rochester in New York shows that prenatal exposure to phthalates in males may be associated with impaired testicular function and with a defect that shortens the space between the genitals and anus.

The Environmental Protection Agency does not require chemical manufacturers to conduct human toxicity studies before approving their chemicals for use in the market. A manufacturer simply has to submit paperwork on a chemical, all the data that exists on that chemical to date, and wait 90 days for approval.

Jennifer Wood, an EPA spokeswoman, insists the agency has the tools to ensure safe oversight.

"If during the new-chemical review process, EPA determines that it may have concerns regarding risk or exposure, the EPA has the authority to require additional testing," she said. EPA records show that of the 1,500 new chemicals submitted each year, the agency asks for additional testing roughly 10 percent of the time. The EPA has set up a voluntary testing program with the major chemical manufacturers to retroactively test some of the 3,000 most widely used chemicals.

Dr. Trasande believes that is too little, too late.

"The problem with these tests is that they are really baseline tests that don't measure for the kind of subtle health problems that we're seeing," Dr. Trasande said.
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In the three years since her family went through body burden testing, Michelle Hammond has become an activist on the issue. She's testified twice in the California legislature to support a statewide body burden testing program, a bill that passed last year. Michelle also speaks to various public health groups about her experience, taking Mikaela, now 8, and Rowan, now 5, with her. So far, her children show no health problems associated with the industrial chemicals in their bodies.

"I'm angry at my government for failing to regulate chemicals that are in mass production and in consumer products." Hammond says. "I don't think it should have to be up to me to worry about what's in my couch."

No news is ... something

2007-10-20T14:24:12Z

Just a quick update... the exam results from Tuesday haven't been processed, so I don't know the results yet. I'll post here and let you guys know when I have them. Thanks for the interest as some of you have asked me if I've heard anything.

Kindred: The Embrace (aka Melrose Place with Fangs)

2007-10-17T20:46:54Z

WARNING: Geek post. My few cool, non-gaming friends like tsdk and ezbake, be warned. :)

The Sci-Fi Network is showing the entire run of the 1996 TV show Kindred: The Embraced. From Aaron Spelling, the same guy that gave us Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place (which I am sad to say I watched religiously), it was basically a soap opera in the vein (no pun intended) of those other shows... but, ya know, with vampires. I'm sure the story is apocryphal, but supposedly one of the show's producers wandered into a gaming store desperate for ideas, asked the clerk, "What's the hot game right now?" and was pointed to a copy of Vampire: The Masquerade. That game's author, Mark Rein-Hagen, became the show's co-producer. The show ran one season and during the between-season hiatus, the actory portraying the show's lead character (Prince Julian Luna, played by Mark Frankel) was tragically killed in a motorcyle accident in the UK. Needless to say, the loss of the main character mid-stream doomed the show, and it never got renewed (or simply never made any more episodes).

Like any of Spelling's previously-mentioned projects, it featured scads of good eye candy of both genders, and it was sort of neat to see stuff from a roleplaying game go (briefly) prime-time. The show's a bit of a cult classic, though I'm sorry to say it's remarkably derivative. (This show featured a human cop who had a vampire partner - the reverse of an older show, Forever Knight. Then came Kindred: The Embraced... then came Angel, who moved to L.A. in his spinoff show to become... a private detective. The new CBS show Moonlight also has a vampire private eye... you get the idea.)

I caught an episode of Moonlight with Tadpod, A, and skyegalileo... Tad and Sky liked it, but A and I weren't as keen on it, mainly because of how derivative it was as I noted above. It would really be nice to see an intelligent, stylish vampire show that didn't keep falling into such a "box."

Fourth and Inches!

2007-10-08T13:20:40Z

Three comprehensive examinations are required for me to get my M.A. now that all the coursework is done. I took and passed the first exam before the summer, but had to wait until my professors returned for the fall session to take the other two.

Last week, I got an A on the second exam.

So Tuesday 10/16 I'm taking the final exam. If I pass, I've (finally) got my graduate degree. It's so unusual for me to post good news on this blog that I thought I'd do so this morning.

Life Bibliography

2007-10-08T13:16:03Z

Hypothetical: Imagine that your life thus far has been described in a bibliographic research paper. What are some of the sources are listed in the bibliography?

Here's a few of mine, in chronological order.

Pickes, the Fire Cat by Esther Averill
The Top of the Pizzas by Bill Basso
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein
The 9/11 Commission Report: Final Report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States
Economics for Dummies by Sean Masaki Flynn

"Non!"

2007-09-23T11:24:31Z

I always thought that the use of Marcel Marceau to utter the only line in Mel Brooks' film "Silent Movie" was brilliant. I also recall being moved by his life-to-death skit (as mentioned in the article). I'm sorry to hear the news.

****

PARIS, France (AP) -- Marcel Marceau, who revived the art of mime and brought poetry to silence, has died, French media reported Sunday. He was 84.

France-Info radio and LCI television said the family had announced the death of Marceau. No other details were released.

Wearing white face paint, soft shoes and a battered hat topped with a red flower, the world-famous Marceau played the entire range of human emotions onstage for more than 50 years, never uttering a word. Offstage, he was famously chatty. "Never get a mime talking. He won't stop," he once said.

A French Jew, Marceau survived the Holocaust -- and also worked with the French Resistance to protect Jewish children.

His biggest inspiration was Charlie Chaplin. Marceau, in turn, inspired countless young performers -- Michael Jackson borrowed his famous "moonwalk" from a Marceau sketch, "Walking Against the Wind."

Marceau performed tirelessly around the world until late in life, never losing his agility, never going out of style. In one of his most poignant and philosophical acts, "Youth, Maturity, Old Age, Death," he wordlessly showed the passing of an entire life in just minutes.

"Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?" he once said.

Marceau was born Marcel Mangel on March 22, 1923, in Strasbourg, France. His father Charles, a butcher who sang baritone, introduced his son to the world of music and theater at an early age. The boy adored the silent film stars of the era: Chaplin, Buster Keaton and the Marx brothers.

When the Germans marched into eastern France, he and his family were given just hours to pack their bags. He fled to southwest France and changed his last name to Marceau to hide his Jewish origins.

With his brother Alain, Marceau became active in the French Resistance. Marceau altered children's identity cards, changing their birth dates to trick the Germans into thinking they were too young to be deported. Because he spoke English, he was recruited to be a liaison officer with Gen. George S. Patton's army.

In 1944, Marceau's father was sent to Auschwitz, where he died.

Later, he reflected on his father's death: "Yes, I cried for him."

But he also thought of all the others killed: "Among those kids was maybe an Einstein, a Mozart, somebody who (would have) found a cancer drug," he told reporters in 2000. "That is why we have a great responsibility. Let us love one another."

When Paris was liberated, Marcel's life as a performer began. He enrolled in Charles Dullin's School of Dramatic Art, studying with the renowned mime Etienne Decroux.

On a tiny stage at the Theatre de Poche, a smoke-filled Left Bank cabaret, he sought to perfect the style of mime that would become his trademark.

Bip -- Marceau's on-stage persona -- was born.

Marceau once said that Bip was his creator's alter ego, a sad-faced double whose eyes lit up with child-like wonder as he discovered the world. Bip was a direct descendant of the 19th century harlequin, but his clownish gestures, Marceau said, were inspired by Chaplin and Keaton.

Marceau likened his character to a modern-day Don Quixote, "alone in a fragile world filled with injustice and beauty."

Dressed in a white sailor suit, a top hat -- a red rose perched on top -- Bip chased butterflies and flirted at cocktail parties. He went to war and ran a matrimonial service.

In one famous sketch, "Public Garden," Marceau played all the characters in a park, from little boys playing ball to old women with knitting needles.

In 1949 Marceau's newly formed mime troupe was the only one of its kind in Europe. But it was only after a hugely successful tour across the United States in the mid-1950s that Marceau received the acclaim that would make him an international star.

Single-handedly, Marceau revived the art of mime.

"I have a feeling that I did for mime what (Andres) Segovia did for the guitar, what (Pablo) Casals did for the cello," he once told The Associated Press in an interview.

In the past decades, he has taken Bip to from Mexico to China to Australia. He's also made film appearances. The most famous was Mel Brooks' "Silent Movie": He had the only speaking line, "Non!"

As he aged, Marceau kept on performing at the same level, never losing the agility that made him famous. On top of his Legion of Honor and his countless honorary degrees, he was invited to be a United Nations goodwill ambassador for a 2002 conference on aging.

"If you stop at all when you are 70 or 80, you cannot go on," he told The AP in an interview in 2003. "You have to keep working."

Funeral arrangements were not immediately known.

Out of the Mouths of Children...

2007-09-04T19:34:37Z

OMG this is hilarious...

September 4, 2007

McCain faces hard-hitting high schoolers

Arizona Sen. John McCain took tough questions from high school students in New Hampshire on Tuesday.

PORTSMOUTH, New Hampshire (CNN) – Sen. John McCain’s visit to Concord High School proved to be more than your average guest speaker appearance Tuesday with the Republican presidential candidate giving and getting a dose of the campaign’s trademark “straight talk.”

During the question and answer session one student rose and asked a pointed question about McCain’s age: “If elected, you’d be older than Ronald Reagan, making you the oldest president. Do you ever worry that like you might die in office or get Alzheimer’s or some other disease that might affect your judgment?”

The Arizona senator chuckled slightly as the “oh my gods” filled the room. In a self-deprecating reference to his memory, McCain said his children have joked about their father “hiding his own Easter eggs,” but quickly added, that he was a “24-7” worker and would out campaign any of his rivals.

McCain then ended the exchange in his quintessential style: “Thanks for the question, you little jerk … you’re drafted.”

Another student then asked McCain a question about what he would do for “LGBT” rights – the initials stand for Lesbian, Gay, Bi Sexual, and Transgender people. McCain was confused by the question and admitted to the audience that he did not know what the initials meant. Once it was clarified, McCain told sophomore William Sleaster that he was opposed to any form of discrimination, but he supported the military’s current “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and that he opposed gay marriage.

“I believe that the sanctity of marriage between man and woman is unique and should be preserved, and I understand the controversy that swirls around that issue, and that debate needs to be continued to be held, but I support that position,” McCain said.

“You want to take away someone’s rights because you believe it’s wrong,” Sleaster followed up.

“I don’t put that interpretation on my position, but I understand yours,” McCain responded, seeming to enjoy the back and forth.

“I came here looking to see a good leader, I don’t,” Sleaster said before leaving the microphone to some boos and gasps from the audience and an eventual scolding by a school administrator.

20 Interesting Things Most People Don't Know About Me

2007-08-30T10:58:46Z

1) I have literally saved the lives of several people.
2) I ran a police desk during an armed hostage standoff.
3) I lived in Paris for several months... twice.
4) I never learned to ride a bicycle.
5) I once was trapped inside a pull-out couch.
6) I once sneezed so hard that I broke a rib.
7) I drove a hundred and twenty miles an hour, back when I was very young and very, very foolish.
8) Since I was three years old, I've never lived in a home without a cat - Bootsy, Tara, Stinky, Poo-Poo, Sheila, and Gepetto.
9) I had a ménage a trois... twice.
10) I spent several years suffering from depression, and a bad fall eight years ago left me unable to run anymore.
11) I'm the most foolish, self-destructive man I know.
12) I once got so drunk that I walked into a diner at 3am wearing a dress shirt, denim shorts, black dress socks, and no shoes.
13) I couldn't get onto the high school football team because they couldn't find a helmet big enough to fit my head.
14) My father worked for la cosa nostra for many years.
15) It took me ten years to get a four-year degree, and three years to get a two-year graduate degree.
16) The best day of my life was my last day in Paris in 2004.
17) The worst day of my life was the day my father died.
18) I'm not sure that I've ever been in love.
19) I've played Dungeons & Dragons in four countries, and I've played it for twenty-three years.
20) I've suffered from insomnia since spending seven years on a midnight shift.

CONGRATS TO DA KAT!!!

2007-08-30T09:43:38Z

I am SO happy for randomactsofkat, who today is taking her first step in college life!!!!!

Kat, you are smart, insightful, and have SO much to offer. I'm not going to lie to you - college will be hard. And will have moments of Hoover, Bissel, vaccuum-like suckage. Hang in there.

GOOD LUCK!

Buffy game in London? Oh wait, that was my inner monologue needling you... :P

Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Kaboom, Monster, Sioux Falls

2007-08-30T09:31:39Z

Just wanted to make a quick update to the journal to offer my props to Jennifer, and the company for which she's a spokesperson (I think it's Pantene?) She did a commercial in which she talks about how celebrities are often assumed to never have "bad days" and suffer from the travails of lesser mortals. She shows "before" pictures - close ups of herself on the red carpet but un-airbrushed, pimples on her chin and jaw.

I think it is SO commendable that a celeb, especially a woman (sorry if that sounds sexist but come on, there is SUCH a double standard with this sort of stuff), would be willing to do a "real" commercial and be OK with her zit-covered chin being flashed around the world.

****

So, here's a snippet of my life in microcosm:

I come downstairs at 5am because I can't sleep.
I step in cat vomit. Of course, my slippers were downstairs, so I'm barefoot.
I wash my foot in the bathtub.
I go downstairs to get towels and cleaning fluid.
Standing on the stairs, I clean up, forget what step I'm on, and go ass-over-teakettle down five stairs.

I am so sore. :(

****

I got a nice letter in the mail today from Monster.com explaining how sorry they were that someone hacked their systems and how my name, address, phone number, and email addy are now circulating around the world.

Well, as long as they're sorry it happened...

****

If you have a MA, there is absolutely no job for you in Sioux Falls, SD.

Carry on, wayward sons.

A Small Update

2007-08-23T08:33:25Z

I've not written in a while, as you've probably noticed. Why?

I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to post anything if it was naught but me bitching about my inability to find a job. So I haven't.

That said, I did think an update was in order. Things are still status quo. Come September, I will finally be able to take the two outstanding exams that stand between me and my MA - all my coursework is completed. That means I should have the degree by the end of September.

I'm very strongly considering moving - that hasn't changed, but what has changed is my thinking that I need to move somewhere very far away, where what's left of my nest egg can be stretched out a bit. I'd really love to move to somewhere in the Pacific Northwest - Oregon or Washington would agree with me, from what I've read about the climate.

I'm trying to keep positive, but it's hard. Praxia was concerned that I was getting depressed. I'm down, but I'm not at the bottom. Still, I really need something to give way.

One of the employment agencies called - basically just to verify that things were picking up again as the summer was ending. I'm trying to be flexible with jobs, but there's a couple of parameters I'm trying to stick with.

1) I don't want a data entry job. Some is okay. All is not.
2) I don't want a job where I have to sell anything. I'm a lousy salesman.
3) I think I'd rather not work in New York. This is partly a matter of convenience, but I admit that since 9/11 I always feel on edge going in there. Something will happen - it's a question of when, not if.

Miss all you guys.